And what masterpiece would be complete without photographs? Thanks the heavens, this edition doesn't dissapoint. We have a woman dressed like a ninja with some weird cranberry skewer swords. There's my personal favorite, the Yankee Candle display of no less than 10 very large jar candles arranged at varying heights on a table next to a window. (I don't know about you, but that's how I burn 'em. It's like a makeshift memorial to days when I didn't have to worry that my house smelled like poop.) There's a picture of a woman using a super-handy multichopper, but, unfortunately, there's not the picture of her having to wash and dry all 500 components of aforementioned super-handy multichopper while cursing under her breath and wishing she'd just picked up a knife like a normal person.
There is one photo that flat out blew me away. It is fantastic in its awfulness, and I spent the next several minutes living in this gloroius photograph, imagining the dialogue as it unfolded:
Gal: "Um, no thanks. I already have two. And the bartender also left some extra, along with two large stacks of cocktail napkins, and a gigantic bowl of olives."
Guy: "Alright. Well, if you don't mind me saying, you have the most lovely eyes. I mean, I can only guess they're lovely, because you refuse to make eye contact with me, even though I'm practically sitting on your lap."
Gal: "Oh, sorry, I already forgot you were there. I'm getting pretty drunk on these superfluous martinis, and I've spent the past 5 minutes staring into space and trying to figure out how to cross my legs. I haven't figured it out yet. I'll just perch my feet all pigeontoed like on this stool, ok? Maybe it will help me keep my balance."
Guy: "Wow. You are so incredibly stupid. I love you."
I mean, who needs Pride and Prejudice when you have the Cigarbar Woman and Man and the 3-Piece Drop Leaf Counter Height Dining Set?
Girl: "I would like to begin on a fourth martini, but I can't lift my hand from table because your paw is on it."
ReplyDeleteGuy: "Oh, silly me! I thought that was the most luscious cocktail napkin I had ever had the pleasure of squishing."
Girl: "By the way, isn't kind of creepy the way my reflection in the mirrors on the wall has me standing at the bar--even though I am clearly sitting on this chair and there is no bar in my house?"
Guy: "Isn't kind of creepy that I'm your older brother?"